Loss

I have been lucky enough in my life to never have really known anyone who has passed away. My grandma passed away when I was little, but I was too little to really understand or remember it. This past week, someone I know passed away. True, that it wasn't a member of my immediate family but she did function as my second mom for a few years of my life and She was special to me in so many ways.

Elena Madison was a truly remarkable person, and I am grateful that I had a chance to know her. I have never met anyone who had her energy and passion for life. She was constantly planning some event or get together, serving her friends and family and always on the go. She was such a dedicated Mother who loved her kids so much you could see her love and dedication to her family in her every word and action. Her bright, fun personality was always such an uplifting one to be around. I have never known anyone who was so energetic and full of life.

Because of this I can not even picture her being weak or sick. In all the time that I knew her I never once saw her get sick or slow down. It is difficult to imagine such a woman getting sicker and sicker and slowly slipping away. I never saw her in what I sure was a very sick and pain filled state at the end and to think about her like that just breaks my heart. I would imagine that it was very hard for her to not be able to take care of her family like she normally did. She loved that so much.

The last time I saw her was last summer and she had just finished chemo and she gave me on of her big hugs. She was so happy and energetic. I remember thinking "yeah there is no way cancer was ever going to beat this woman." But the cancer came back and much worse than before and I don't know all of the details but I know she fought hard but in the end the cancer had spread too far. It makes me feel like no one is immune to the kind of debilitating diseases that are in our world today. She is the last person I ever thought something like this could happen to.

When I found out a few weeks ago that she had taken a turn for the worse I decided to write her a letter telling her what a wonderful person and example she had been to me and how grateful I was to have had a chance to know her. I planned to write it over thanksgiving break when I knew I would have a little bit of time to do it justice. I guess now I just have to hope that she knew that I loved and appreciated her.

Since I functioned as a member of her family for a few years, I know their family dynamic and how central she was too it. It is hard for me to think about how all of them will get by without her. She loved her kids and family so much, I hope they remember and hold on to that.

For the past few days my threshold for tears has been much lower and every time I think about her and her poor family it breaks my heart. I am trying to transition to just thinking about and remembering her beautiful personality and celebrating the life that she had. I am getting there. I am lucky to have had the chance to know her and share many wonderful memories and experiences with her. It is so helpful to know that she will be with her family again, and be able to love and serve them the way that she lived for while she was here on earth.